I wanted to take a moment and try to help parents and their teenagers with a little eye opener. I am practically still a teenager, but I am also a parent and wife now. So I can understand both sides.
As a Parent, I feel like my kids are the most incredible gift God could have given me. And Until now that I have my own children I come to find out that my parents were right. Let me go back couple of years ago before I was a mother:
Like any other teenager, I was very confused. I always though I knew it all. And one thing that I regret SO much Now, is that I was very disrespectful to my mother. My mom and I have very similar personalities which caused many arguments between each other. If she disciplined me, I yelled back at her. If she told me not to do something, I did it, just cause she told me not to. I threw doors, sandals, anything on my site, just to be heard, and if she tried to spank me for being disrespectful to her, I just grabbed her arms and move her away or just locked myself in the bedroom and ignored her.
I also caused quiet a few arguments between my parents. My mother was the one who stayed home with me all day, so she was the one disciplining me all the time. All for my own good. But at that point, I felt that she did it just to make me miserable. On the other side, Dad was always working, so he didn’t get to spend too much time with the me or my brothers. So when he was home, all he could do was spoil us. And specially when he was out on a trip, when he got home, it used to feel like christmas for us. All kinds of toys and electronics, everything we would ask for. For anyone that knew my parents, they would say that they were the perfect combination. Because my mom was the strict one and my dad was the laid back one. But there is actually no balance there. Cause you don’t want your kids to only like one parent and not the other. Not only that, but when they don’t have control from both sides, no matter what my mom said, we didn’t do it, cause we knew we would still get away with it when dad got home. So all my mom’s work was practically thrown in the trash. Cause that is what happened in my case. My dad was so nice and sweet to me, and got me all the toys I wanted, and he let me go out, and everything I wanted, that I didn’t like my mom or even listened to her. I used to insult her, to hurt her every way I could. I literally told her that she was the worst mother ever. I made her cry and everything. And NOW I realise, that it was me who was the worst daughter ever. Whenever my mother punished me because I had been disrespectful and told me that I couldn’t go to a party or something like that. I went behind her back and asked dad if I could go and he always told me yes. So, it always ended great for me, even though I had misbehaved, I still got to go to the party and was having fun. It ends up being that not everything was ok. While I was having fun at my parties, my parents where having an argument. Mom, yelling at that for letting me go to a party, when she had punished me. Dad, trying to defend himself that he didn’t know about the punishment and all that. But Dad was so nice, that the next day he couldn’t even tell me anything. He didn’t yell at me because I had lied to him or nothing. On the other side, my mother yelled at me and spanked me again for causing an argument between them, and I used to believe that she was lying to me. That she just wanted to be fighting with me and was making a big deal about it, because my dad hadn’t even mentioned it.
Now that I have my own kids, and that I stay-at-home with them. I finally understand my mom. My babies are only 22 months and 10 months. So it is the most critical time to discipline them . So if my oldest son hits the baby for no reason I have to spank him. If they just get cranky for no reason and start throwing Cheerios all over the place, I have to discipline them and make them pick it up. Whenever he makes a tantrum for no reason, he has to be disciplined. Well, to make it short, I have to discipline them at least 10 times a day. I have VERY active kids, and they just wont stop. And I am trying to clean the house ALL DAY, but it never ends. Cause as soon as I finish moping, one decides to throw the bottle across the living room and get the milk all over, or just throw the cookies all across the floor, or grab the basket of toys and just throws it all across the living room. Oh well, it never ends. My point is that, when Dad gets home, my oldest one doesn’t even want mommy no more. He pushes me away, he smacks me, he doesn’t even want me to hug my husband. The first time he did that, I just started crying! Because until that day, I was able to understand my mom. I mean I LOVE MY SON WITH ALL MY HEART! And I only discipline him because I have to, not because I want to. I don’t want anyone else later in life to have to discipline him.
My son, when daddy is not home, even though I discipline him All day he is very loving to me. He is very smart. Cause when he sees I am upset, he comes to me and gives me hugs and kisses. But it is amazing, that as soon as his dad gets in that door, he doesn’t even want to know anything about me. And then, I realised that not only we were making the same mistake as my parents, but that my son is treating me like I did my mother. Not to long ago, I learned that I needed to hear others mistakes and learn from them, rather than making their same mistakes. I have saved a lot of trouble by listening to others. That’s why I am now sharing my mistakes with you, so you can learn from them, and hopefully your life can be a little simpler.
Parents: Talk to each other, both parents need to be in the same page. If Dad says; no more Playstation for a week, mom, you got to back him up. If mom says; no more cellphone for a week, dad, you got to back her out. Teens/kids are very Smart, and unconsciously they are going to have you against each other. Put the cards on the table and let them know now that you guys are together in it, and that whatever, mom or dad say, you are going to say the same. One very important thing, don’t argue in front of the teens/kids even though you think the teen/kid might be right. If you think your spouse was a little to overboard with the punishment, talk to him/her in private but don’t take authority from him/her in front of the kids. Try to discipline your kids together and talk to them as much as you can.
Teens: Listen to your parents, everything they tell you and do is for your own good. No one, in this world loves you more than your parents. Each parent has a different way of expressing their love. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. When you start treating your parents with respect, they will respect you for it. Also, you won’t want your kids being disrespectful to you, so make the change NOW! Plus, it’s what God commands us to do; 5th Commandment: Honour thy Father and thy Mother! I know sometimes as teenagers we are right too, but when we are upset we say many things that we don’t mean and we may hurt the people who we love most. So BITE YOUR TONGUE WHEN UPSET, and when you are calm, try to speak to your parents, I am sure they will listen. But VERY important, you have to do it with respect!
Hope I was of some help! To both teenagers, and parents.
Let me know of any other topics you would like me to touch on the next couple of blogs, or if you have any questions?